IT’S OVER! (for now)
Happy Holidays, everyone!
My big exam is in 9 days, and feels like it’s just around the corner.
I think it would be impossible to not feel very anxious about this exam. Although I don’t necessarily believe that I can’t pass it, the thought of how I would feel if I were to fail for a third time makes my stomach twist. I would still have the summer re-sit for a fourth try, but I’m not alright with failing this test any more. It needs to be passed. I need to know that I’m not completely in over my head by choosing to become a veterinarian. Just a little success to confirm the original inkling that I can become a good vet if I keep on trying.
It has been a struggle this semester, if I’m honest. By becoming a re-sitting student, I was not allowed government student loans to finance the year, so I had to apply for a private loan. The entire process was incredibly murky and overcoming one barrier seemed to reveal another. Finally, nine weeks into the semester, I got a loan cheque. However, I was unaware that the University automatically disperses US loans in two installments. Thus, I get the second half of the money I needed for this semester at the start of next semester. Confused? Me too! I have emptied savings accounts, sold textbooks and personal effects, and eventually relied on borrowing from friends, just to pay bills and have a little money for food.
I tried very, very hard to stay focused on my studies, but my money woes meant I probably lost a lot of study time because of anxiety regarding paying rent and my next meal. The process has been incredibly frustrating. I did apply for work but nothing ever came to be, most likely because Uni demands all of my free time, and I couldn’t find anything with working hours that matched my availability. I would rather be dead broke than fail this exam.
But it hasn’t been all terrible. I am grateful for family and friends who offered to help me with my finances, and have volunteered so much support while I am studying a topic that seems to defeat me. I wanted to be an “adult” and deal with my money problems without any assistance, but when I couldn’t do it anymore, there were many people who stepped in to help me. I’m am so thankful for, and indebted to, them all.
Now I will turn my focus back to studying. I really, really hope I have some happy news to report on this blog when it’s all done.
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